Key points
- Young people face many social, emotional, and physical changes as they move through adolescence. Their brain is still developing, too.
- It is common for teens to feel more sensitive and experience emotional ups and downs. They may express these feelings through their behaviour.
- Teens need support from trusted adults to thrive. Forming a strong relationship with your teen will help their long-term mental health and wellbeing.
- Boundaries help teens to explore their independence safely. However, it is normal for them to push these boundaries.
- Conflicts may arise with your teen; it is important to stay calm and try to diffuse arguments. Over time, this will teach them how to manage their emotions in a healthy way.
- Avoid physical discipline, shouting, or shaming your teen. These responses can make them more distressed and are likely to harm your relationship.
- If you are worried that your teen’s behaviour is intense, or impacting their daily life, consider professional support.
Understanding behaviour in teens and young people
Teens and young people often express their feelings through behaviour. It is common for them to:
- Feel self-conscious and more sensitive
- Have strong emotional reactions
- Question rules, values, or expectations
- Push boundaries and act defiant, such as by arguing
- Seem short-tempered
- Take risks and sometimes act impulsively
- Spend more time with their peers or on their own.
These behaviours are not usually signs that something is wrong. There are many reasons why your teen may act a certain way; often, they are still developing the coping and problem-solving skills they need to manage strong emotions.
What influences emotions and behaviours in teens?
Young people face many social, emotional, and physical changes as they move through adolescence. They learn more about the world, form their own identity, navigate relationships, and become more independent. At the same time, their responsibilities tend to grow.
Some factors that can impact how teens experience emotion and express themselves include:
- Puberty and hormonal changes
- Shifting hormone levels can make emotions feel more intense or harder to control; this can cause teens to respond in ways that seem unexpected or argumentative.
- Emotions such as stress or embarrassment can make it harder for them to think and communicate clearly.
- Brain development
- Planning, impulse control, and decision-making are all linked to the frontal cortex – a part of the brain that keeps developing into the 20s. This is why teens are more likely to make risky decisions in some situations.
- When teens are provided with the right support, information, and time to think, they can make better decisions for themselves.
- Stress or not enough rest
- Teens juggle many responsibilities – from schoolwork to sports and chores at home. While it is important to learn and stay active, rest is key to recharging their energy.
- Tiredness or not enough sleep
- Sleep is crucial for healthy growth and development. Teens who do not get enough quality sleep are also more likely to behave in risky ways, such as driving after drinking alcohol.
- A lack of quality sleep can also affect a teen’s mood and make it harder for them to focus.
- Hunger or not eating enough
- Food is fuel for the body. Without enough nutrients, your teen may be more irritable, find it harder to do their schoolwork and struggle to think clearly before they act.
- Differences in how they experience the world
- If your teen is highly sensitive or neurodivergent, the things they encounter in everyday life can affect their behaviour. For example, someone sensitive to sound may feel overwhelmed in a large crowd.
- Anxiety, depression, or other mental health challenges
- Mental health problems can affect a teen’s behaviour in many ways. If they are anxious, they may act quiet in social settings; if they are depressed, they may not show any interest in activities they used to enjoy.
- Bullying and peer pressure can also lead to mental health challenges.
With time and support from trusted adults, teens can build the skills they need to manage their emotions and behaviour in positive ways.
If you are worried that your teen’s behaviour is impacting their daily life, they may benefit from professional help. Their regular doctor is a good place to start; they may refer your teen to a psychologist.
Supporting teens to manage their emotions
Focus on connection
One of the best ways to support your teen emotionally is to maintain a strong relationship with them. This connection will help them to feel safe and grounded as they slowly become more independent. It also builds their resilience, so they can better manage the challenges they will face throughout their life.
There are many ways to strengthen your relationship with your teen:
- Spend regular time with your teen, even in small ways.
- You could cook dinner together or go for a family walk on the weekend.
- Show interest in your teen's life and celebrate their achievements.
- Listen to your teen’s concerns without judgement and let them speak without interrupting them.
- Problem-solve with your teen and ask if they would like to hear your opinion before offering it.
- Validate your teen’s emotions and experiences.
- For example, if they are upset about a disagreement with a friend, you could say: “It hurts to argue with someone you care about. I would be upset, too.”
Your teen may also find it helpful to speak with another adult they trust. This could be an aunt or uncle, family friend, sibling, or teacher.
Having a strong relationship with your teen does not mean you will always get along – disagreements are normal. What matters most is coming back together after conflict to talk and rebuild trust.
Set boundaries and expectations
It is important to allow your teen the freedom to explore their independence. However, they still need guidance and rules. Boundaries give teens a sense of safety and show that you care for their wellbeing.
In most cases, boundaries work best when they are:
- Fair, consistent, and realistic
- Clearly communicated
- Focused on learning, respect, and safety
- Created together, where possible.
Teens will often test the boundaries to see what they can get away with. It is important to follow through with the consequences you set, or the boundaries will seem meaningless.
Approach with curiosity and care
If you are worried about your teen, approach conversations with curiosity and care rather than judgement. This will show them that it is safe to open up to you.
For example, you could say something like:
- ‘I have noticed you seem more stressed lately. How have things been going for you?’
- ‘You don’t seem like yourself at the moment. I am here for you if you want to talk.’
- ‘What has been feeling hard for you lately?’
Teens are often more open when conversations happen naturally and without pressure, such as during car rides, meals or shared activities. Avoid forcing them to share if they are not comfortable.
Stay calm and diffuse conflict
Parents play an important role in teaching teens how to manage strong feelings safely.
During an argument with your teen, always try to:
- Stay as calm as possible
- Model healthy coping strategies – if you shout, they are more likely to shout back
- Avoid reacting to behaviours like eyerolling
- Help teens to name and understand their emotions
- Be curious about which emotions could be influencing their behaviour
- Slow conversations down or take a break when emotions are high
- For example, you could say: ‘Let’s take a breath and talk again when we are both feeling better.’
It is better to wait until everyone has calmed down before trying to resolve the problem. When teens feel overwhelmed, they are not usually in the right headspace to process lectures, criticism or consequences.
Responding to aggressive or unsafe behaviour
Some teens may express distress or anger through aggression, intimidation, or unsafe behaviour. This can happen when their emotions feel overwhelming or if they lack the skills to cope in positive ways.
If your teen is acting aggressively:
- Prioritise everyone’s safety.
- For example, ask younger siblings to leave the room or put some space between you and your teen.
- Try to stay as calm as possible to avoid escalating the situation.
- Communicate clear limits around safety and respectful behaviour.
- You could say: ‘I can see that you are really angry. I am here to help, but aggression is not acceptable.’
- Take a break and return to the conversation later.
- Always tell them why you are walking away and confirm that you will come back later when they have calmed down.
- Set non-violent consequences and follow through with them
- This will help them learn that you will not tolerate aggressive behaviour.
After the situation has settled, try to understand what factors caused it to escalate and work together on safer coping strategies.
It is a good idea to speak with your teen's teachers to see if they show similar behaviours at school. They may also be able to offer your teen support.
If you are concerned about violence, risk of harm or safety within the family, you feel unsafe, or your teen is at risk of harm, seek professional support. If
anyone is in immediate danger, call emergency services (000) immediately.
Why harsh discipline can be harmful
Harsh discipline can negatively affect a person’s emotional wellbeing, making them more distressed and doing long-term damage to your relationship. While it can be hard to stay calm during a heated argument, teens learn best when they feel safe and supported.
Physical discipline
Physical discipline is any response to behaviour that causes pain or discomfort. It includes smacking, hitting, spanking, slapping, pinching, or pulling.
Research shows that physical discipline can have lasting negative effects on young people, including:
- Increasing their aggression
- Reinforcing the idea that violence is okay
- Lowering their self-esteem
- Poorer mental health.
Shouting or shaming
It can be hard not to shout when you are extremely frustrated with your teen. However, the long-term effects of repeated shouting are similar to physical discipline. Shaming, belittling, and humiliating teens for their actions can also make their behaviour worse.
By losing control and lashing out at your teen, you miss the opportunity to model healthy coping strategies that they can learn and use.
Repairing the relationship
No one is perfect. If you shout at your teen in the heat of a moment, focus on repairing the relationship afterwards.
Give yourself and your teen time to calm down, then try to reconnect. It is important to acknowledge what went wrong. For example, you could say: ‘I do not think I handled that conversation well earlier and I am sorry that I lashed out. I would like us to try again.’
When to seek professional help
You may want to seek extra support if your teen’s behaviour is:
- intense, ongoing, or seems to be getting worse
- impacting their daily life, relationships or school attendance
- overwhelming their ability to cope
- straining their relationships
- a risk to their own safety or wellbeing.
It is usually best to start by speaking with your teen’s doctor. They will offer advice and refer them to another specialist if required, such as a psychologist or adolescent health professional. Your teen can start
seeing a doctor alone for at least part of their appointment from around 14 years old.
Common questions about teen behaviour
How do I find the right balance between giving my teen independence and setting boundaries?
As part of the journey to adulthood, teens need space to make their own decisions, solve their own problems, and learn from their own experiences. They cannot do these things if there are too many rules in place. However, they still need guidance and structure from trusted adults.
The boundaries you set for your teen will depend on their personality and your family situation. They may evolve as your teen matures and you build trust in one another. It is generally best to discuss expectations with your teen and make the process collaborative; this will help your teen feel respected. Aim to set clear and fair boundaries, while remaining open to their needs and feelings. For example, you could let them go to a friend’s birthday party on a Friday night as long as they are back by a set time and still play sport the next day.
Can screen time affect my teen’s behaviour?
Digital devices can be great tools for learning, creativity, and social connection, but too much time using screens can impact a teen’s behaviour. Studies have found links between spending more time online and having worse mental health symptoms.
Help your teen set up healthy
screen routines. This could include limiting their screen time in a way that works for them and for your family, or making sure they turn off their devices one hour before bed. There is no need to cut all screen time – it is about balancing the online world with the offline one.
What should I do if my teen has started acting aggressively?
Aggression is often a sign that a teen is overwhelmed or struggling to control intense emotions. Safety should always come first. Call emergency services (000) immediately if you or someone else is in danger, or if you are worried your teen may harm themselves.
If you and your family are safe but your teen’s aggression is getting more common, intense, or hard to manage, professional support can help your teen develop safer coping and communication strategies. Speak with their doctor, or contact a family violence service such as 1800RESPECT or The Orange Door.
I am struggling to support my child emotionally. What should I do?
Parenting a teenager can be emotionally demanding, particularly when a young person is struggling. If you are finding it hard to support your teen emotionally or cope with their behaviour, you should speak with your doctor or a mental health specialist.
How do I talk to my teen about their mental health?
If you want your child to open up to you about their mental health, it is best to shift your focus towards your teen as a whole person. Show interest in their life, listen without judgement, and check-in regularly without pressuring them. This will help to strengthen your bond and show your teen that you care about them. Along the way, you can remind them that they do not have to manage their feelings alone.
Avoid forcing your teen to talk; they will come to you when they are ready. Teens are often more likely to share when they feel accepted and understood.
For more information
Developed by The Royal Children’s Hospital Psychology department, with input from the Adolescent Medicine department. We acknowledge the input of RCH consumers and carers.
Reviewed July 2026
Please always seek the most recent advice from a registered and practising clinician.