Sometimes, your pain can make it harder to stay connected, attend school, take part in things you like and spend time with people you care about. This is something you have some control over.
Fast facts
- Pelvic pain can affect friendships, family relationships and school.
- Staying connected can reduce feelings of isolation.
- You don’t have to explain everything to everyone.
- Small supports can make a big difference.
How does pelvic pain affect how I connect with other people?
Talking to those around you about your pain is important. It can also help you to control the narrative (the words that are used to describe your pain to others) around your pain experiences.
Talking or telling others about your pain might be difficult because of past experiences, where you may have felt:
- Dismissed
- Not believed
- Belittled
- Mocked
- Misunderstood.
Understandably, this can affect your confidence and kindness towards yourself.
If you can’t talk to others about your pain, it can be hard to share your true self with others. This can make you feel more isolated or alone and sometimes make your experience of pain worse.
While judgmental responses like the ones above aren’t okay, other people’s behaviour is often out of your control. What you can do is protect yourself from feeling isolated by staying connected to people who you feel listen to you and don’t judge
you.
Staying connected with supportive people can help you feel less alone and make it easier to manage your pain and emotions.
Who can help you stay connected?
Friends
Your friends can be some of your best supports when you’re in pain. You might find it helpful to share:
- When you're in pain
- What hurts
- What the triggers are
- Things that help.
This will help your friends understand how they can support you. So, if you do miss parties, catch-ups or school, they’ll understand.
You could also come up with ways to stay connected to friends when you’re in pain:
- Change the location of a catch-up, such as having it at your house instead, where you’re comfortable.
- Catching up for a gentle walk after school.
- Having phone calls, texts and video calls.
- Creating code words that only you and your friends understand, to share things that you might be embarrassed about in front of others.
By sharing your story, you might even find they experience pain too and encourage them to feel more comfortable to talk about their experiences.
Family
People can only help with things they know about. Finding a way to communicate with your family can help you stay connected to them.
Think about one trusted person in your family you could talk to. They don’t need to be the same gender as you; just someone who feels safe to share things with.
The focus of the discussion could be how pain impacts your ability to stay connected to the family and what can help. You could talk about trying things like:
- Attending family functions for a shorter time.
- Taking a book or doing a quiet activity to ensure you get some rest when out.
- Adapting your home jobs or chores to things that can be done with gentle movement or that aren't time dependent (putting the washing on, folding clothes, pairing the lost socks or feeding the animals).
- Putting a bin for pads and tampons in any shared bathrooms.
- Educating other family members about periods and pain.
School
At school, try to identify three safe adults who you feel comfortable talking to. This might not necessarily include your current teacher. It could be a:
- Current or previous teacher
- Wellbeing person or counsellor
- School nurse or receptionist
- Principal or deputy principal.
Within all government (state) schools, you should have access to free sanitary products like pads and tampons.
Support from your school may look different. If you feel comfortable, you could chat with a safe adult at your school about:
- Uniform alterations (even just better shoes can help your muscles)
- Sport class alterations like laps walking around the pool if unable to swim or being a track marshal if you’re unable to run
- Spare uniforms (free) at first aid to change if needed
- Food at the canteen to bring in more nutritious options
- School fundraisers for period/pain focused charities
- Special education sessions in school (like a talk for dads about periods)
- Celebration days within the school calendar that acknowledge pelvic pain.
Any changes that help you attend school will improve your connection with others and decrease isolation and the impact that pain has on your education and goals.
If you're going to talk to someone at your school, it might help to bring a plan along with you. This could be a:
- Pelvic pain action plan to help your communication with your school
- Department of Education student support plan.
Conversation starters
If you’re not sure how to bring up your pelvic pain, try some of these conversation starters with someone you trust.
- “I’ve been dealing with a lot of pain lately and it’s been hard,”
- “Can I talk to you about something that’s been going on?”
- “I’m finding school hard at the moment because I’m in a lot of pain,”
- “I’m finding my symptoms harder to manage at the moment,”
- “I think I need a bit more support right now."
Remember: you don’t have to share things you don’t feel comfortable talking about. But sharing what you’re going through can make you feel less alone.
When to get help
- If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your thoughts or emotions.
- If you’re finding it difficult to cope with your pain.
- If pelvic pain is stopping you from doing the things you love, like dance, sport, playing music or spending time with friends.
- If you’re taking days off school or work because of your pain.
- If you’re not able to stay active or are missing out on playing sport.
- If you’re experiencing problems with going to the toilet, such as difficulty or pain with emptying your bladder (which stores your wee) or your bowels (poo).
Support options