There are no perfect words when talking about period or pelvic pain. What matters most is helping your young person feel safe, heard, and supported. Staying calm, open, and respectful makes it easier for them to share and seek help, if and when they need it.

Why these conversations matter

Talking about pain can feel uncomfortable for both you and your young person. Many young people can feel unsure, embarrassed, or worried about bringing it up.

At the same time, if your young person is struggling with pelvic pain, having open and supportive conversations can make a meaningful difference.

Choosing the right time, place, and person

A thoughtful approach can make these conversations easier.

Consider who is best placed to talk

This might be you, or it could be another trusted adult such as a co-parent, grandparent, or mentor. Think about who your young person feels most comfortable with.

Pick the right moment

Avoid starting the conversation during stressful or rushed times. Choose a moment when you can both be present and unhurried.

Create a comfortable setting

Privacy is important. Some young people find it easier to talk side-by-side rather than face-to-face. This could be:

• Driving in the car
• Going for a walk
• Sitting together in a relaxed space.

What to say

How you respond can shape how safe your young person feels opening up.

Validate their experience

Let them know you believe them and take their pain seriously.

• “Your pain is real.”
• “That sounds like a lot to deal with.”

Offer hope and reassurance

It’s important they know that support and treatment options exist.

• “There are ways we can manage this.”
• “We can work through this together.”

Support a sense of control

Young people often want autonomy in how they manage their health. A helpful approach is the “yes, and” style of communication:

• “I hear that you’d prefer to manage this on your own right now, and we can keep checking in about how you’re going and look at other options together if needed.”

Stay curious and listen

Ask open questions and give them space to share:

• “What has it been like for you?”
• “What would you like me to understand about your experience?”
• “How can I best support you right now?”

What to avoid

Young people often report feeling dismissed or blamed when talking about their pain, even when that’s not the intention of the conversation.

Common things to avoid include:

Minimising their pain

• “It’s just part of being a woman.”
• “Everyone goes through this.”

Suggesting it’s their fault

This is sometimes indirect or accidental. Always reassure your young person this is not their fault.

Rushing to fix or take over

Listen first, before going into problem solving mode.

What your young person needs to hear

Try to consistently communicate that:

• Their pain is real
• They are not alone
• Support is available
• You are there to help, not judge.

How do I end the conversation if it is not going well?

Sometimes these conversations can feel overwhelming, emotional, or shut down quickly. That’s okay. What matters most is how you respond in the moment.

Stay calm and avoid pushing

If your young person becomes upset, withdrawn, or defensive, continuing to push the conversation can make it harder for them to engage.

Acknowledge what’s happening

Gently name that the conversation feels difficult. You could say:

• “I can see this is feeling a bit much right now.”
• “It seems like this is hard to talk about.”

Give them space

Let them know it’s okay to pause. You could say:

• “We don’t have to figure this all out right now.”
• “We can take a break and come back to this later.”

Keep the door open

Reassure them that you’re available when they’re ready. You could say:

• “I’m here whenever you feel like talking.”
• “You can come to me anytime about this.”

End with support

Try to finish the conversation in a way that maintains connection:

• “I care about you and want to support you.”
• “We’ll work this out together, at your pace.”

Support options

You can encourage your young person to speak with:

• Their GP
• A psychologist
• A school wellbeing officer, counsellor or nurse
• A physiotherapist
• A trusted teacher, coach or community leader
• Kids Helpline — a free and confidential phone support service, available 24/7
• Headspace — offers support at their clinics, or over the phone and online.

As a parent or caregiver, you might also need support. You can speak with:

• Your GP
• A psychologist or mental health professional.

Other conversation guides

• Jean Hailes: Talking Periods

Disclaimer

This information is intended to support, not replace, advice from your doctor or healthcare professionals. It is general information only and may not apply to your individual circumstances. You should always check with your healthcare provider before making decisions about your care or starting, stopping or changing any treatment.

The authors of this consumer health information have made a considerable effort to ensure the information is accurate, up-to-date and easy to understand. The Royal Children’s Hospital (RCH) Melbourne accepts no responsibility for any inaccuracies, information perceived as misleading, or the success of any treatment regimen detailed in these handouts. Medical knowledge can change over time and the information contained in the handouts is updated regularly. Therefore you should always check you are referring to the most recent version of the handout. The onus is on you, the user, to ensure that you have downloaded the most up-to-date version of a consumer health information handout.

Developed by The Royal Children’s Hospital, Melbourne Kids and Teens Pelvic Pain Clinical Network multidisciplinary team, supported by RCH services.

The Kids and Teens Pelvic Pain Clinical Network is supported by the Victorian Government.