Pelvic pain can affect how a child or young person feels about themselves and their life. They may start to feel like pain is taking over their daily life. With support, they can manage symptoms and stay connected to who they are.
Fast facts
- Long-term pelvic pain can impact a young person’s sense of self.
- Chronic pain can make a young person feel as though the pain defines their entire life and disconnects them from their hobbies, goals and social life.
- Social and cultural factors shape how a person experiences and expresses pain.
- Pelvic pain or period-related symptoms can complicate their experience of gender identity and body image, causing emotional distress.
- Managing symptoms and energy can help young people stay connected to who they are and what they enjoy.
- There are support services for young people to help them regain connection and confidence.
- It’s important to remind your young person they’re not alone in their pain.
Living with pelvic pain for a long time can affect how your young person feels about themselves and their life. This is known as their identity. Sometimes pain can start to feel bigger than everything else. This can make it harder for them to do the things they enjoy or be the person they want to be.
Here are some ways pelvic pain can affect your young person’s identity, and some ideas to help them stay connected to themselves. It’s important to remind your child that they’re not alone in their pain.
Illness identity
When pain has been around for a long time, your young person may feel like their whole life is simply about managing it.
They might:
- Talk mostly about their pain or what they can’t do
- Spend lots of time thinking about their symptoms
- Feel like other people don’t understand
- Only connect with people who also have pain
- Stop doing things they usually enjoy.
If you notice this, it helps to be understanding. Reminding them that they’re more than their pain and that their hobbies, friendships, goals, interests and dreams still matter, can also help.
Managing pain isn’t always easy. Sometimes, the things that help manage pain can take a lot of time and effort. Both you and your young person may find this frustrating or annoying.
Social identity
Pelvic pain can sometimes make friendships and relationships harder. When your young person experiences pelvic pain, it can be hard for them to concentrate or keep up with conversations because the pain takes up a lot of their attention.
As periods and pelvic pain are not always talked about openly, they might:
- Feel embarrassed, worried or misunderstood
- Avoid social events, new places or feel like they miss out on opportunities
- Be unable to do some or many of the activities that their peers enjoy, such as sports, school trips and celebrations or parties
- Feel that these situations are unsafe or stressful.
It can help for your young person to talk with trusted people who support and accept them and can meet them where they are.
People may also have different views or beliefs about pain. Some may have experienced pelvic pain before, while others have not. It’s important to remember that our understanding of pain is very different now to what it used to be, because we have a lot more information and research.
Cultural identity
Pain and things like periods are talked about differently in different cultures.
In some cultures or religions, getting a period can change how a young person takes part in their community and cultural or religious practices. For example, there may be different rules or expectations about:
- Clothing
- Touch
- Family roles
- Social activities during periods.
In some cases, it may impact access to places of worship.
Different cultures also express pain differently. In some places, openly expressing pain is usual and encouraged. In other cultures, people may be expected to hide emotion and ‘push through’ discomfort.
These experiences can bring up many feelings, including pride, happiness, confusion, sadness or feeling left out.
Gender identity
For some young people, pelvic pain or periods can affect gender identity or how they experience who they are. Your young person may see themselves as a woman, a man, neither or a mix of both.
Periods, bleeding and body changes can cause distress or make your young person feel uncomfortable in their body. This can sometimes affect mood, confidence or how connected they feel to themselves.
Body identity
Pelvic pain and period symptoms can make your teen feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar in their body.
Heavy bleeding, bloating or pain can also affect their body image and confidence around other people.
Family attitudes can sometimes matter more than the broader culture. Younger generations are often more open about periods than older generations. Social media has increased discussion of some of these topics.
For neurodivergent young people, pain and body sensations may feel extra intense or overwhelming.
Some people may choose to stop or lighten their period by using hormonal medications including the Oral Contraceptive Pill (OCP) or the IUD (Intrauterine Device).
How to support your young person
You can support your young person by reminding them they deserve a life that includes joy, connection, comfort and meaning.
To help them stay connected to who they are, you can encourage them to:
- Spend time with people who understand and support them.
- Keep doing activities and hobbies they enjoy.
- Continue practices that help them feel calm and confident.
- Set goals and dreams that matter to them.
Long-lasting pelvic pain can be tiring and your young person might feel they don’t have enough energy to do the things they love.
Managing energy levels
Think of energy like a phone. We may recharge our phone overnight but during the day when we use it, the battery level drops. Some apps will use more battery than others. We might have to change how we use our phone if the battery is running low or we might need to plug it back in to recharge. Your young person’s energy levels are similar.
They may start the day feeling fully charged, but the things they do throughout the day can drain those levels. Going to school takes energy and taking the bus home uses more energy. By the time they’re home, they may not have much energy left. This means they may skip an activity with friends because they don’t have the energy.
Managing energy levels effectively takes practice and experience. Here are some things you can encourage your young person to do:
- Take five minutes to check in on how they’re feeling and what thoughts are coming up.
- If they’re having a difficult day, try to remind them that thoughts and feelings pass.
- Write down how they feel before and after a chosen activity to see how it impacts their energy.
- If they’re feeling anxious, encourage them to choose activities that are relaxing to help calm their nervous system, such as:
- taking a warm bath
- doing some deep breathing
- doing some gentle stretching.
- If they’re feeling low, encourage them to try something to improve their mood like exercise or a quick walk or listening to some upbeat music.
When to get help
Pelvic pain does not always mean that there is something wrong. However, if pain is stopping your young person from living the life they want, it might be time for some extra help. Encourage them to talk with you, another trusted adult or see a health professional.
Support options