Periods and pain can impact the connections your child or young person has with others. However, it’s important they stay connected to the people around them.
Fast facts
- Pelvic pain can affect a child or young person’s friendships, family relationships and school.
- Staying connected can reduce their feelings of isolation.
- They don’t have to explain everything they’re experiencing to everyone.
- Small supports can make a big difference.
It’s usually helpful for your young person to control the narrative (the words that are used to describe their pain to others) around their pain experiences. However, talking about their pain might be difficult because of past experiences where they may have felt:
- Dismissed
- Not believed
- Belittled
- Mocked
- Misunderstood.
If this has happened, your young person may feel less confident and find it hard to be kind to themselves.
If your young person can’t talk to others about their pain, it can be hard to share their true self with others. This can make them feel more isolated or alone. It may also make their experience of pain worse.
While judgmental responses like the ones above aren’t okay, it's impossible to control other people’s behaviour. You can help protect your young person from feeling isolated by encouraging them to stay connected to people who will listen without judgement.
Who can help your young person stay connected?
Friends
Friends can be some of your young person’s best supports when they’re in pain. They might find it helpful to share:
- When pain happens
- What hurts
- What the triggers can be
- Things that help.
This helps your young person’s friends understand how they can help and why your young person may miss out on some activities.
There are other ways your young person can stay connected with others when they’re in pain. Encourage them to consider:
- Changing the location of catch-ups to your house instead, where your young person is more comfortable.
- Catching up for a gentle walk after school.
- Phone calls, texts and video calls to catch up.
- Creating a language or code words that only your young person and their friends understand to communicate things they don’t want to talk about in front of others.
By sharing their story, your young person may find some of their friends experience pain too. This might encourage them to feel more comfortable talking about their experiences.
Family
Finding a way to communicate with family members can help your young person stay connected. Encourage them to think about one trusted person in their family they could talk to. They don’t need to be the same gender – just someone who feels safe to share with.
Encourage your young person to talk about how pain impacts their ability to stay connected to the family and how this can be changed to support them. Things to think about include:
- Attending family functions for a shorter time
- Being able to take a book, rest or do a quiet activity to ensure they get some rest when out
- Adapting chores to things that can be done with gentle movement or that aren't time dependent – for example, putting the washing on, folding clothes, pairing the lost socks or feeding the animals
- Putting a bin for pads and tampons in any shared bathrooms
- Educating all family members about periods and pain.
School
It’s important that your young person has connections at school. Encourage them to identify three safe adults they feel comfortable talking to. It could be a:
- Current or previous teacher
- Wellbeing person or counsellor
- School nurse or receptionist
- Principal or deputy principal.
Within all government (state) schools you should have free access to sanitary products like pads and tampons.
Support from your school can be many things. If they feel comfortable, your young person could chat with a safe adult at school about:
- Uniform flexibility (even just better shoes can help muscles)
- Changes to sport classes, such as laps walking around the pool if they’re unable to swim or being a track marshal if they can’t run
- Access to free spare uniforms at first aid to change into if needed
- Food on the canteen menu to bring in more nutritious options
- Running a school fundraiser for period/pain focused charities
- Special education sessions in school (such as a talk for dads or boys about periods)
- Celebration days within the school calendar that acknowledge pelvic pain.
Any changes that help your young person attend school more often will improve their connection and reduce isolation. This may also reduce the impact that pain has on their education and goals.
If your young person is going to talk with someone at their school, it can be helpful for them to take a plan. This could be a pelvic pain action plan, to aid communication with the school. A Department of Education student support plan can also
help with starting a conversation.
When to get help
It may be a good idea to get some extra help and support for your young person if:
- They’ve told you they feel overwhelmed by their thoughts or emotions
- They’ve told you they’re finding it difficult to cope with their pain
- Pelvic pain stops your young person from doing the things they love
- They have to take days off school or work because of their pain
- They’re not able to be active or are missing out on playing sport
- They have problems going to the toilet, such as difficulty or pain when doing a wee or poo.
Support options